How do I feel?

I don’t know how to even feel

Sitting in this chair

Wondering how life turned out to be this way

I’m sick

Never knew this time would come

Can’t sleep

So I sit here , feet crossed facing my hospital bed

As I wonder how the hell did I get this sick

I muster up the energy to go stare at myself in the mirror

And I almost run back

“I do not recognize you!”

I yell to myself

My eyes turned red

Lips dark and blistered

Stomach bloated

Breasts resembling that of a pregnant woman

I’m sick

My heart doesn’t beat the same

I don’t walk the same

My frustration seems to be starting to overwhelm me

I call on my lover

She cries with me

I tell her I’m scared

I told her I’m fine

I hang up the phone

I’m still scared

I only lied

I’m still seated here

Mentally begging my headache to chill

Don’t come knocking I’m having a relaxing time

sitting in this chair , not thinking about my mum that hasn’t come to visit

Lonely as I carefully plan my exit

Not thinking about a damn thing but the fact that , how did I get this sick?