Category: poetry

Categories
poetry

Am I really privileged?

I’m doubting myself again

Questioning everything I do

I’m losing myself again

Now it seems nothing flows perfectly asides the tears from my eyes

Stuck in my imaginations picturing an Angel in disguise

Too young to realize?

That’s not me

I grew up way too fast

I will not be categorized into a sub category of privilege

Because my idea of privilege is different from your idea of privilege

Privilege to me is when you were a child you would wake up in the morning and you go down for breakfast then your mum and dad are seated at the table

Then you go ahead to discuss with them

So easy

Yes that’s privilege

Do you know what else privilege to me is?

To feel so normal

That nothing interrupts your day to day life

Privilege is when you don’t even have to strive to survive

Privilege is to feel alive

Because some of us are dead

some of us of lost

Some of us are a living coma

Some of us just exist

Some of us live in our heads

And you that live and have control over your minds are the real privileged

“I choose what I put my mind to”

“I will not be focusing on that today”

That is privilege

The ability to choose

The ability to control

To navigate

To understand

Some of understand

But some of us can’t fix it

Categories
poetry

Lonely night

It gets so lonely sometimes

I’ve been lonely for too long

Even while I was in relationships

It’s like no one really got me

No one really knew me

No one knew how to love me

Now I’m all alone

It gets so quiet at night

And I take up one side of the bed

I’ve become so addicted to it

Maybe it’s because that’s where I charge my phone and use it nonstop to distract me from the pain I feel

To make it less quiet

Less alone

I have my phone

Feeling sadness from loneliness does not equate lack of self worth

I think it’s time I get honest with myself

Being alone isn’t self love

It’s sometimes self isolation

I guess I’m afraid that someone would use my vulnerability against me

I’m too sensitive

I can’t afford to have more pain

But sometimes I wish I had my woman

I wish she adored me just as much as I adore her

She doesn’t exist yet

Although, a girl can only wish

Wish to be less lonely tonight

Categories
poetry

End of the tunnel.

People who have no money think money is everything

People who have money think happiness is everything

We smoke and we numb our pain away

In that moment we play pretend and think that happiness is here to stay

If only we acted like what we feel on the inside

If only we acted like what we’ve been through

There would be so much chaos in the world

How much more are there of us?

The lost,

The confused,

The rebels,

The pain hoarder’s

The broken

The unopened book

“Life is full of phases”,they say

But I ask how much of the bad phases does it take to completely destroy a perfect human being?

Life keeps us jumping from one pain to the other

Sometimes when we get hurt we hope it doesn’t hurt more than some others

Sometimes we need to escape

Sometimes it’s uneasy

I really don’t want to believe that there is someone somewhere trying to push me to my limits

Since the world can’t hurt me

They want me to hurt myself

I guess I now believe in all that voodoo bullshit

Sometimes I lash out and sabotage

Hoping that someone see’s

To see me goes more than just meagre looking with the eyes

To see me is to see me

In my world nothing is ever surprising

In my world I accepted that demons don’t want to go away

They feel so comfortable because I no longer fight them

Sometimes we all get tired of fighting

All I need to do is just read the writing

The writing on this wall does not seem so clear anymore

I am standing firm

Holding myself so I don’t fall

A pillar to myself

I would have said what a weak pillar I am

But I’m not weak

I could be anything else but weak is not it

I have carried a self that wanted to break itself

I have mended a soul that decided it was going to play dead

I have embodied a spirit that chose not to die

So I live

Maybe some parts of me are gone

Or maybe they hide

Because they don’t feel safe in a world where sometimes we feel as though we are magnets to pain

And we cannot escape it

Until we lose our physical self

And if we cannot lose our physical self

We lose our minds

And when we lose our minds,

we lose it all.

Categories
lgbt poetry

Always remember you

I remember you

I remember what it was like the first time

I was scared

I didn’t know how to act around this girl that gave me shivers

The good kind actually

A big personality

A contagious smile

At that moment I knew

I knew for her I’d run a thousand miles

The memories are here to stay

Just as you are in my life till this day

I’d never give this away

I’ve seen you grow

Different hairstyles

Different fashion styles

And a different way of life

The free kind

The one that makes me want to stay

You can say she’s a rebel

The good kind

The only savior in my type of human kind

No one needs to remind me that I love you

I have always loved you

I can’t stop loving you

I breath easier when I’m with you

Reality isn’t enough when I’m with you

I travel miles in my mind, soul and body when I touch you

When I feel your face in my palm

My heart begins to melt like I have never experienced a woman

Touching on your hair even if there isn’t much there

I feel as though I am close enough

Close enough to feel vibrations

Close enough for me is your heartbeat

The one that you think that I don’t hear

Why wouldn’t I always want to be near?

Close enough to try and stare into your amazing eyes

The one that makes me realize that I should stay

Realize how beautiful life could be

That I shouldn’t throw all this away

Your beautiful eyes

The one that I’m afraid to stare at for too long

I guess you never knew why

It’s just that my heart can’t take the fast beat

My body can’t take the shivers

And my tummy can’t take the butterflies

The love I have for you is infinity

I hope one day you’d take this ride with me

My love

Categories
poetry

Anxiety

Anxiety is waking up at 2:21am

Worried for no reason

Heart beating fast

As though something bad is about to occur

Anxiety,

Just like a disease that has no cure

It would creep in on you for sure

Anxiety,

It’s like waking up and all of a sudden

And the monster goes,”here is a ton of burden,

I would like you to hold them till they weigh you down,

break you,

And have you stuck in this little town,

Where all there is, is fear”

There is no freedom of the mind here

Just memories of a future you don’t know about

Just pictorial images of disaster

Just pain that you can sight from afar

Anxiety,

It’s chaotic

Crying silently as I lose my mind in public

People laughing around me

Now I think I’m the freak

Yes, laugh at me.

Categories
lgbt poetry

LOVE, SPACE AND FANTASIES.

I closed my eyes today,

Removed myself from this planet

And took you along with me

I guess you know where,

Space

Where our memories are only ours and hard to erase

Where nothing else matters than this place

Where it’s just us

Where I could look into your eyes

And tell you the millions of feelings inside of me

Where somehow we have superpowers and we could see each other’s hearts

Where I could kiss you

And we have nowhere else to go

Because it’s just us

And right there in that moment we could kiss and make love for as long as possible

Because with you is where I feel most comfortable

You’re with me

I’m touching your beautiful hair

So soft

But your skin is softer

Your face is amazing to touch

Your lips

Damn your lips

I stare at them when you’re not looking

The way your upper lip forms the letter “M”

When you smile it’s like the world changes

With you there’s no one or nothing I fear

It’s peaceful here

Wow

You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known

I want to hold you every single day

Life without you Is no life at all

Every day for you I’d fall

Don’t be scared by love for you

You are all that matters to me

No one else makes me feel the way you do

I’d run to the end of the world and back for you

You,

You are everything

You’re all of me

You are a part of my body ,spirt and soul

With you I feel whole

I breath for you

I smile for you

I laugh for you

Because for you is all that makes me happy

Touch me

I mean my face

Make me feel all of the things you feel

Take me into you

As I have, you

Look into my eyes and tell me the things you find hard to say

Take me into the future

Preferably a sunny day in May

A walk on the beach

Blunts in Cali

Eye fucking each other while having lunch with Kota the friend

Your eyes telling me that this would never end

Don’t tell me to stop licking my lips

It’s the way you make me feel

You’re like a full course meal

With extras on the side

Lots and lots of extras

Look into my eyes one more time baby

Just the way you do

How you close your eyes just a little bit and open it,

when you tell me how much you love me

How you take me on journeys with your eyes

To places only our hearts could see

You are my greatest fantasy

There’s no place I’d rather be

Than in your arms

It’s the safest place for me

I love you but please don’t think you’d ever know how much I love you

It’s unexplainable

It’s deeper than you’ve ever imagined

So I touch your beautiful face

And I look into your eyes

And I tell you with all my being

With all of my heart

That from the very start

I have loved you,

I love you,

I’ll keep on loving you even more each passing day

Till all of eternity

I promise

I always will.

Categories
poetry

Forgiveness?

Have I really forgiven everyone in the past ?

Or I just put them in a storage box located somewhere deep in my mind?

Where I thought they’d be hard to find,

even if I fucking tried ?

What if I’m triggered one day ?

And all the anger I thought left me came back to take a tour

As we drive down this memory lane

Making an account of all my pain

It’s the past yes

I thought I had buried it

I guess

I realized that today,

When someone called the name of my abuser

It triggered me

Oh damn you anxiety

I was shivering

My heart

Pounding and pounding

Beating and beating

Full of clogs and heavy weight of pain that felt like a 1000kg dumbbell

My head and body feeling heat like I had just fallen into hell

I guess today my little mind storage box decided not to be my shell

I felt it

Just like years ago

Pain, rage and anger

But still walked fine like nothing has happened

And right where I stood

I realized that the universe,

my healing process,

meditations and affirmations have brought me here

To come face to face with it

I guess it’s true what I always say

I told my friend earlier today

That we have to feel our pain in order to tackle it

So here I am ready to speed

As we go down memory lane,

Remind me to put forgiveness in the passengers seat.

Categories
poetry

Dear notes,

I come to you when I get sad

When I get mad

When I have no one to talk to

When I get tired of being the bone for others to stand tall

But mine breaks and no one even cares when I fall

My notes

What you know nobody knows

Sometimes I don’t know how much burden I would’ve carried if you weren’t in my life

I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with my pain in times of strife

You’ve been with me through it all I’d call you my wife

You know my secrets

You know just right where it hurts

You never judge me

Sometimes I wonder what other people would think if they ever go through all I write here

But honestly as long as I have you that’s the least that I fear

I love all that we share

You never left me so I know that you care

When I talk to myself you remind me that you’d be here

Always watching me as I drop a tear

Dear notes,

If I never make it out alive

Please self destruct and come along with me

I am not leaving the world with these words only our eyes could see.

Love,

Remi🤍

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