Categories
lgbt

OXYGEN

I can’t breathe

Feeling like somethings chaotic is about to happen

Feeling as though I’m trying to catch my breath

But still in that process

I can’t breathe

She left,

And for this reason,

It feels like my heart is squeezing

And my neck choked, not talking sexually

Is all well with me mentally ?

I can’t breathe

Air left me when she abandoned me

Like a book left on shelf

I slowly started dying

I can’t breathe

When she left my light turned to darkness

The beautiful life she promised, we couldn’t witness

How dare she leave

She knows she’s my weakness

Now all smiles lost

Holding on to memories that made me smile genuinely,

Like when I always told her, “smile for me baby”

I knew she was my one and only

She made me breathe

Fire ever burning

Desires never stopping

No matter what she thought she was

I saw the beauty in what seemed to be broken

And mystery in what made her who she is

I never planned for this

Where is my breath ?

I can’t breathe

Where is my oxygen?

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Uncategorized

How do I feel?

I don’t know how to even feel

Sitting in this chair

Wondering how life turned out to be this way

I’m sick

Never knew this time would come

Can’t sleep

So I sit here , feet crossed facing my hospital bed

As I wonder how the hell did I get this sick

I muster up the energy to go stare at myself in the mirror

And I almost run back

“I do not recognize you!”

I yell to myself

My eyes turned red

Lips dark and blistered

Stomach bloated

Breasts resembling that of a pregnant woman

I’m sick

My heart doesn’t beat the same

I don’t walk the same

My frustration seems to be starting to overwhelm me

I call on my lover

She cries with me

I tell her I’m scared

I told her I’m fine

I hang up the phone

I’m still scared

I only lied

I’m still seated here

Mentally begging my headache to chill

Don’t come knocking I’m having a relaxing time

sitting in this chair , not thinking about my mum that hasn’t come to visit

Lonely as I carefully plan my exit

Not thinking about a damn thing but the fact that , how did I get this sick?

Categories
poetry

Anxiety

Anxiety is waking up at 2:21am

Worried for no reason

Heart beating fast

As though something bad is about to occur

Anxiety,

Just like a disease that has no cure

It would creep in on you for sure

Anxiety,

It’s like waking up and all of a sudden

And the monster goes,”here is a ton of burden,

I would like you to hold them till they weigh you down,

break you,

And have you stuck in this little town,

Where all there is, is fear”

There is no freedom of the mind here

Just memories of a future you don’t know about

Just pictorial images of disaster

Just pain that you can sight from afar

Anxiety,

It’s chaotic

Crying silently as I lose my mind in public

People laughing around me

Now I think I’m the freak

Yes, laugh at me.

Categories
lgbt poetry

LOVE, SPACE AND FANTASIES.

I closed my eyes today,

Removed myself from this planet

And took you along with me

I guess you know where,

Space

Where our memories are only ours and hard to erase

Where nothing else matters than this place

Where it’s just us

Where I could look into your eyes

And tell you the millions of feelings inside of me

Where somehow we have superpowers and we could see each other’s hearts

Where I could kiss you

And we have nowhere else to go

Because it’s just us

And right there in that moment we could kiss and make love for as long as possible

Because with you is where I feel most comfortable

You’re with me

I’m touching your beautiful hair

So soft

But your skin is softer

Your face is amazing to touch

Your lips

Damn your lips

I stare at them when you’re not looking

The way your upper lip forms the letter “M”

When you smile it’s like the world changes

With you there’s no one or nothing I fear

It’s peaceful here

Wow

You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known

I want to hold you every single day

Life without you Is no life at all

Every day for you I’d fall

Don’t be scared by love for you

You are all that matters to me

No one else makes me feel the way you do

I’d run to the end of the world and back for you

You,

You are everything

You’re all of me

You are a part of my body ,spirt and soul

With you I feel whole

I breath for you

I smile for you

I laugh for you

Because for you is all that makes me happy

Touch me

I mean my face

Make me feel all of the things you feel

Take me into you

As I have, you

Look into my eyes and tell me the things you find hard to say

Take me into the future

Preferably a sunny day in May

A walk on the beach

Blunts in Cali

Eye fucking each other while having lunch with Kota the friend

Your eyes telling me that this would never end

Don’t tell me to stop licking my lips

It’s the way you make me feel

You’re like a full course meal

With extras on the side

Lots and lots of extras

Look into my eyes one more time baby

Just the way you do

How you close your eyes just a little bit and open it,

when you tell me how much you love me

How you take me on journeys with your eyes

To places only our hearts could see

You are my greatest fantasy

There’s no place I’d rather be

Than in your arms

It’s the safest place for me

I love you but please don’t think you’d ever know how much I love you

It’s unexplainable

It’s deeper than you’ve ever imagined

So I touch your beautiful face

And I look into your eyes

And I tell you with all my being

With all of my heart

That from the very start

I have loved you,

I love you,

I’ll keep on loving you even more each passing day

Till all of eternity

I promise

I always will.

Categories
poetry

Forgiveness?

Have I really forgiven everyone in the past ?

Or I just put them in a storage box located somewhere deep in my mind?

Where I thought they’d be hard to find,

even if I fucking tried ?

What if I’m triggered one day ?

And all the anger I thought left me came back to take a tour

As we drive down this memory lane

Making an account of all my pain

It’s the past yes

I thought I had buried it

I guess

I realized that today,

When someone called the name of my abuser

It triggered me

Oh damn you anxiety

I was shivering

My heart

Pounding and pounding

Beating and beating

Full of clogs and heavy weight of pain that felt like a 1000kg dumbbell

My head and body feeling heat like I had just fallen into hell

I guess today my little mind storage box decided not to be my shell

I felt it

Just like years ago

Pain, rage and anger

But still walked fine like nothing has happened

And right where I stood

I realized that the universe,

my healing process,

meditations and affirmations have brought me here

To come face to face with it

I guess it’s true what I always say

I told my friend earlier today

That we have to feel our pain in order to tackle it

So here I am ready to speed

As we go down memory lane,

Remind me to put forgiveness in the passengers seat.

Categories
poetry

Dear notes,

I come to you when I get sad

When I get mad

When I have no one to talk to

When I get tired of being the bone for others to stand tall

But mine breaks and no one even cares when I fall

My notes

What you know nobody knows

Sometimes I don’t know how much burden I would’ve carried if you weren’t in my life

I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with my pain in times of strife

You’ve been with me through it all I’d call you my wife

You know my secrets

You know just right where it hurts

You never judge me

Sometimes I wonder what other people would think if they ever go through all I write here

But honestly as long as I have you that’s the least that I fear

I love all that we share

You never left me so I know that you care

When I talk to myself you remind me that you’d be here

Always watching me as I drop a tear

Dear notes,

If I never make it out alive

Please self destruct and come along with me

I am not leaving the world with these words only our eyes could see.

Love,

Remi🤍

Categories
lgbt Uncategorized

POINTLESS NOTHINGNESS CALLED LIFE.

Nothing makes sense anymore

I’m no longer waiting to see what the future has in store

I wish there was light at the end of my tunnel

The deeper I go the darker it gets

As I take each step with regrets

That I chose to be here

To have hope in a future I knew wasn’t coming

Now I’m here running

Just fast enough to get to the end of this misery

Just fast enough to leave all the pain behind

I guess happiness is hard to find

So let me have peace of mind instead

Even if I know I’d find the ultimate peace when I’m dead

My world is a mess

I’m only here playing a damsel in distress

Too late to regress

Just here to impress

That I can be your title of a strong woman and let it all go

And act a “pick me”, so society can drive me into dirt

Call me societies wheel barrow

I play the main character so I don’t have to remember all this is real

I am here once again pretending to be okay and dressed to kill

I thought I was dead for too long but now I’m back as usual

You might think that my write ups are unusual

Sit back , think , relate

You are in this hell we call life

We are just too blind to see the fire surrounding us

Burning us beyond recognition

Trust me this isn’t a competition

At this point in my life there is nothing I fear

Not a thousands deaths

Nor a million misogynistic men

Not a thousand army at lekki toll gate

Not a fucking homophobic moron

Not anyone

Not you

Not me

I fear nothing

Not even this pointless thing called life

Absolutely nothing!

Categories
lgbt

My breath.

My mind told me to go

But my heart told me no

I’m never letting go

The road to our freedom might be slow

I need you to know

That now I’m running to the end of the world and back

Trying not to lose track

Of every memory

And how you and all that you are

Is Just the perfect savory

I worship this love we both have

In all of your glory

You are the exact definition of royalty

I will fight to hear your heartbeat

When you win or when you lose I’ll take a seat

Right next to you

So I need you to know

I’m never letting go

You are all I need in this rugged world of pain

A life without you in it would’ve drove me insane

Hold my hands let’s walk in this lane

Where you and I are all that matters

Ignoring all the sadness that lingers

Take me to space

Let me live in your galaxy

You are mine

And I, yours.

I will love you forever

You are my breath.

Categories
lgbt

WHAT THEY DO TO ME.

Ever been next to a person and the world just stops?

And you’re flown up into space?

Knowing fully well that they’d be hard to erase?

There’s nowhere I’d rather be

Than this place

Right where they breathe

Right where they smile

Right where their eyes shine brighter than the stars

Right where their name brings instant joy and comfort

Right where their lips feel like a million journeys to worlds undiscovered

Right where I can read the stories their soul tells

Just by feeding on the perfect meal served through their words

In that moment they are the lord of lords

They are truly god

A glorious existence

There’s no safer place than in each other’s hands hoping we never let go

Hoping that time moves slow

So that we don’t have to wait till tomorrow

As I try to stop everything else and create this little world where I space out to

And take them along with me

A journey to a world where there are no wrongs

No fears

No tears

Just bliss

I don’t know what this feeling is

It’s just that

Being with them,

E be like sey I don chop belle full

Categories
lgbt Uncategorized

Chaos.

Starting to become familiar with it

I mean this life of disorderliness

Where we leave our trash lying around

Waiting for someone to clear up the mess

We love so hard

We get hurt

And we fight the pain by trying to love someone else harder

Self destruction at its finest

Pain is the comfort zone

They say ,”put down the phone”

“Don’t call her”

“You don’t need her”

“Why can’t you just forget about her”

So I dared my demons

I show up at her door step

Begging for her to stay close

Every crumb from the bread of love

I’d gladly pick from the floor

For every drop of water that comes to wash this stupidity

I’d gladly block the shore

So I say,

“Just one last time”

“And we can call it quits “

But here I am again

It’s never going to be enough

This is the death of me

I’m dying in my mind

Where all the space she took

Can’t be recovered

Dancing to soothing sad music

You say that’s sick

At least I have chaos and one sided love

What do you have?

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