Have I really forgiven everyone in the past ?
Or I just put them in a storage box located somewhere deep in my mind?
Where I thought they’d be hard to find,
even if I fucking tried ?
What if I’m triggered one day ?
And all the anger I thought left me came back to take a tour
As we drive down this memory lane
Making an account of all my pain
It’s the past yes
I thought I had buried it
I guess
I realized that today,
When someone called the name of my abuser
It triggered me
Oh damn you anxiety
I was shivering
My heart
Pounding and pounding
Beating and beating
Full of clogs and heavy weight of pain that felt like a 1000kg dumbbell
My head and body feeling heat like I had just fallen into hell
I guess today my little mind storage box decided not to be my shell
I felt it
Just like years ago
Pain, rage and anger
But still walked fine like nothing has happened
And right where I stood
I realized that the universe,
my healing process,
meditations and affirmations have brought me here
To come face to face with it
I guess it’s true what I always say
I told my friend earlier today
That we have to feel our pain in order to tackle it
So here I am ready to speed
As we go down memory lane,
Remind me to put forgiveness in the passengers seat.
queenremsspoetry 