Forgiveness?

Have I really forgiven everyone in the past ?

Or I just put them in a storage box located somewhere deep in my mind?

Where I thought they’d be hard to find,

even if I fucking tried ?

What if I’m triggered one day ?

And all the anger I thought left me came back to take a tour

As we drive down this memory lane

Making an account of all my pain

It’s the past yes

I thought I had buried it

I guess

I realized that today,

When someone called the name of my abuser

It triggered me

Oh damn you anxiety

I was shivering

My heart

Pounding and pounding

Beating and beating

Full of clogs and heavy weight of pain that felt like a 1000kg dumbbell

My head and body feeling heat like I had just fallen into hell

I guess today my little mind storage box decided not to be my shell

I felt it

Just like years ago

Pain, rage and anger

But still walked fine like nothing has happened

And right where I stood

I realized that the universe,

my healing process,

meditations and affirmations have brought me here

To come face to face with it

I guess it’s true what I always say

I told my friend earlier today

That we have to feel our pain in order to tackle it

So here I am ready to speed

As we go down memory lane,

Remind me to put forgiveness in the passengers seat.