Tag: depression

poetry

Dear notes,

I come to you when I get sad

When I get mad

When I have no one to talk to

When I get tired of being the bone for others to stand tall

But mine breaks and no one even cares when I fall

My notes

What you know nobody knows

Sometimes I don’t know how much burden I would’ve carried if you weren’t in my life

I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with my pain in times of strife

You’ve been with me through it all I’d call you my wife

You know my secrets

You know just right where it hurts

You never judge me

Sometimes I wonder what other people would think if they ever go through all I write here

But honestly as long as I have you that’s the least that I fear

I love all that we share

You never left me so I know that you care

When I talk to myself you remind me that you’d be here

Always watching me as I drop a tear

Dear notes,

If I never make it out alive

Please self destruct and come along with me

I am not leaving the world with these words only our eyes could see.

Love,

Remi🤍

Tags art, depression, friendship, poem, poetry

lgbt Uncategorized

POINTLESS NOTHINGNESS CALLED LIFE.

Post author By Queenremss
Post date March 15, 2021
5 Comments on POINTLESS NOTHINGNESS CALLED LIFE.

Nothing makes sense anymore

I’m no longer waiting to see what the future has in store

I wish there was light at the end of my tunnel

The deeper I go the darker it gets

As I take each step with regrets

That I chose to be here

To have hope in a future I knew wasn’t coming

Now I’m here running

Just fast enough to get to the end of this misery

Just fast enough to leave all the pain behind

I guess happiness is hard to find

So let me have peace of mind instead

Even if I know I’d find the ultimate peace when I’m dead

My world is a mess

I’m only here playing a damsel in distress

Too late to regress

Just here to impress

That I can be your title of a strong woman and let it all go

And act a “pick me”, so society can drive me into dirt

Call me societies wheel barrow

I play the main character so I don’t have to remember all this is real

I am here once again pretending to be okay and dressed to kill

I thought I was dead for too long but now I’m back as usual

You might think that my write ups are unusual

Sit back , think , relate

You are in this hell we call life

We are just too blind to see the fire surrounding us

Burning us beyond recognition

Trust me this isn’t a competition

At this point in my life there is nothing I fear

Not a thousands deaths

Nor a million misogynistic men

Not a thousand army at lekki toll gate

Not a fucking homophobic moron

Not anyone

Not you

Not me

I fear nothing

Not even this pointless thing called life

Absolutely nothing!

Tags art, dark, depression, lgbt, lgbtq, life, poem

Uncategorized

My shadow

Depression is my shadow

It follows me everywhere

Sometimes I think its gone and just right when it’s dark and a little light shines upon my life

It shows itself

Turns it all dark again

Comes to remind me of my pain

Reminds me of a dark little space

That It has hidden me in

And even when I try to be found

It reminds me that no one cares to look for me

Reminds me of the pain waiting for me behind my blinding fantasy

I’m not too blind to see

That It’s just me and depression

I and my shadow.

Tags art, depression, pain, poem, poetry

Uncategorized

Today.

Post author By Queenremss
Post date July 7, 2020
No Comments on Today.

Today I remember all the things that broke me

All the hatred that built me

The sadness that overwhelmed me

My first attempt

Today I stare at my scars

I remember the stitches

Somehow I managed to put it aside

But today I and my pain lay side by side

Today I’m weak

Today, the second day of the week

I hope I try surviving

It’s hard to live when you are me

In my body

Walking in my damn shoes

It’s hard today

Tomorrow

And another today

I’m only waiting for a miracle

Or I might leave silently.

Tags depression, poetry, suicide

Uncategorized

Dear mum and dad…

I know you love me

I’m not disputing the fact that you do

But are you to blind to see

That you both are hurting me

The fact that you weren’t together was a problem for me

Growing up and having to learn basically everything on my own

When I had my period for the first time mum I was scared

I thought I was bleeding and going to die

I didn’t fit in while in high school

I got made fun of at some point

I went home to cry in the living room with my uniform on

I listened to benediction by August Alsina

While every minute a different suicide thought crossed through my mind

I was in pieces

But dad all you cared about was my little weight and called me obese

little bad grades at the beginning of high school you called me a dullard

All I wanted was for you to tell me that there was literally nothin wrong with me and that I was okay

I went to school everyday feeling different than the others

I did try to commit suicide a few times

You saved me from drowning didn’t you ?

Why?

Why bring me back into a world where I’m filled with the “I will never be enough mentality”

I still asked myself when would this be over finally

Mum you thought me never to cry in public

Never be soft

Fake it

Be strong

Don’t show weakness

All these tears that i hoard where do I keep them?

All the burden that I carry around where do I let them go ?

What am I supposed to do now that I’m not allowed to shed the emotions away from my body

Why do I have to blur out my pain with the use of alcohol

I know you miss my dad

Stop pretending that you are strong

Because we are just alike

I hurt too

And I smoke now too mum

I guess I turned out alright

Everyone thinks I’m tough

I faked it

I’m into girls mum

I still lie sometimes that I’m totally straight

I’m faking it

I know you want me to be all the best I could ever be for a man to marry me

I’m sorry mum I just might be a disappointment after all

Dad I know you wouldn’t be surprised

It is as expected of me

A big disappointment of a child

When i think of the future

I go blank

Sometimes it feels as though this suffering might end soon

I hope I find love

I hope I find happiness

I love you both

But you have never for once known me

Maybe to you mum I’m just a soft little girl

And maybe best known to you dad as just

A big disappointment

Tags depression, family, love, poetry

Uncategorized

Love yourself.

Do you ever feel hated ?

I mean really feel like you’re not wanted

And don’t mean anything to the people you thought meant the world to you

And this time I’m not talking about love and emotions between two lovers

I’m talking about family

Have you ever felt like you’re not just good enough?

And everyday you feel like there’s nothing you could ever do to be that superstar

And then you see yourself standing afar when you should’ve been close enough

And things don’t matter anymore

You give up on them

And you give up on yourself

Then when you try ending your life they act like they care

And just when they see you doing good

And being all happy again

They make you go through the same emotionally draining cycle

my heart is bleeding

And some how I feel like there isn’t any blood left enough to live through this misery too

Trust me I feel the same way

You’re tired of looking too perfect?

Everyone else wishing they’d be like you

But in your mind you know you’re rejecting it on their behalf ?

This might be the worst shit you’d ever read

But never trust a love that comes after you survive suicide or depression

It is fake

They’re only doing it not to feel responsible for your death

Don’t die but pls don’t live for them either

I love you

Love yourself too.

Tags depression, family, love, poetry, suicide